Fiction Friday - Comic Script, Scouting for Dummies

PAGE ONE

Pic 1

All the pages are built on an three tier, six panel grid.

One whole tier for an establishing shot. Our three protagonists are being introduced.

CAPTION ALVIN, BRIAN, AND CHIP ARE NICE GUYS.

CAPTION THEY’RE ALSO LAZY, EASILY DISTRACTED AND DON’T SHOWER ENOUGH.

Pic 2

The first panel of the second tier is the three of them managing to fail at tying knots so spectacularly that all three are connected by a mass of tangled rope. Just a mess.

CAPTION THEY’RE ALSO THE WORST SCOUTS EVER.

CAPTION THEY WERE UNABLE TO RAISE THE FLAG.

Pic 3

The waterfront director is in pain as each of them has a canoe, one of which overturned in the water, another beached ashore, and the third is tangled in the buoy and rope and is immobile.

CAPTION THEY ACCIDENTALLY KNOCKED THE ART INSTRUCTOR UNCONSCIOUS.

Pic 4

The entire lower tier. The three of them huddled around a topographical map. One holds a compass. In a clearing in the woods.

CAPTION SO EVEN AS A JOKE, THE COUNSELORS SHOULD NOT HAVE LET THEM TEAM UP ON A BACKWOODS ORIENTEERING COURSE.

PAGE TWO

Pic 1

Entire tier for the establishing shot. The three walking single file in the desert from a distance. Think Lawrence of Arabia. The figures dwarfed against the landscape.

CAPTION ONE WEEK LATER.

Pic 2

Second tier has two panels

ALVIN: OKAY THE ARROW KEEPS POINTING THIS WAY SO THAT’S NORTH.

BRIAN: NO, IT’S MAGNETIC NORTH

Pic 3

Second panel in second tier

CHIP: IT’S NOT THE SAME THING?

BRIAN: NO, IT’S SOMEWHERE IN CANADA.

Pic 4

Third tier has two panels

ALVIN: THEN ACTUAL NORTH IS...

CHIP: SOMEWHERE SOUTH OF IT?

Pic 5

Second panel in third tier.

The three of them scratching their heads, completely baffled. Not the first time that’s ever happened.

[no dialogue]

PAGE THREE

Pic 1

Slice each tier into two panels each.

ALVIN: NO, FORGET THAT.

Pic 2

BRIAN: OKAY, NORTH IS THERE, SO SOUTHWEST IS...THAT WAY?

CHIP: SO WE GO 200 METERS IN THAT DIRECTIONS.

Pic 3

BRIAN: DUDE, FORGET THE MAP.

ALVIN: YEAH, FOLLOWING THE MAP IS WHAT GOT US IN TROUBLE.

Pic 4

CHIP: BUT HOW WILL WE FIND OUR WAY BACK?

ALVIN: DUDE, WE’RE OFF THE MAP.

Pic 5

BRIAN: ARE YOU SURE?

Pic 6

CHIP: THE MAP DOESN’T HAVE A BIG HONKING DESERT ON IT, NOW DOES IT?

PAGE FOUR

Pic 1

Take the entire top tier. Another picture of them dwarfed by the landscape.

BRIAN: I BLAME THE MAP.

ALVIN: STUPID MAP.

Pic 2

CHIP: WE’RE OFF THE MAP.

ALVIN: NO MAN’S LAND.

Pic 3

BRIAN: I ALWAYS WANTED TO LIVE OFF THE GRID.

CHIP: WE’RE IN A DESERT AND THERE’S NO WATER. THIS IS SO NOT COOL.

Pic 4

ALVIN: THIS IS ALL ROCK SO IT’S NOT TECHNICALLY DESERT.

BRIAN: YEAH AREN’T DESERTS SANDY? WE’RE JUST IN A VERY DRY, HOT CLIMATE.

Pic 5

CHIP: WITH NOTHING TO DRINK.

ALVIN: THE ANIMALS MUST DRINK SOMEHOW.

PAGE FIVE

Pic 1

Take the top tier. Vultures lazily circling overhead

CHIP (FROM OFF): LIKE THOSE HAWKS.

ALVIN (FROM OFF): THOSE AREN’T HAWKS. THEY’RE VULTURES.

BRIAN (FROM OFF): YOU MEAN THEY’RE JUST WAITING FOR US TO DIE?

Pic 2

Closeup on one of the vultures winking at us.

BRIAN (FROM OFF): THAT IS SO UNCOOL.

Pic 3

ALVIN: WELL IF WE DON’T FIND WATER SOON, IT’LL BE PRETTY EASY FOR THEM.

CHIP: THAT’S SO WRONG.

Pic 4

BRIAN: YEAH THEY SHOULD AT LEAST HAVE TO WORK FOR IT.

Pic 5

The other two glare at him

BRIAN: WHAT?

PAGE SIX

Pic 1

Along the top of the panels for the rest of the page have BUZZZZZZZZ going across the length of the page (or across the bottom of each panel, whichever works better for you)

CHIP: DO YOU HAVE A BUZZING IN YOUR EARS?

ALVIN: YEAH. HIM.

Pic 2

CHIP: DARN.

BRIAN: NO, I HEAR IT TOO.

Pic 3

ALVIN: I THINK IT’S A PLANE.

CHIP: I CAN’T SEE ANYTHING.

Pic 4

BRIAN: HELP!

ALVIN: HELP!

CHIP: HELP!

Pic 5

Bleed out the panels into one, cause take the entire tier. The BUZZZZZ continues across this panel. Have the three of them dancing, waving, moving around to make themselves noticed (or doing modern dance)

[no dialogue]

PAGE SEVEN

Pic 1

BRIAN: I WISH THERE WAS A TREE WE COULD LIGHT ON FIRE

ALVIN: NO SUCH LUCK

Pic 2

CHIP: NO MORE BUZZING.

ALVIN: DARN.

Pic 3

BRIAN is on the left side of the panel, finding himself under a patch of shade. The other two are rushing over into the shade.

BRIAN: HEY GUYS. SHADE

ALVIN: MUST BE A PASSING CLOUD.

CHIP: ALMOST AS GOOD AS WATER.

Pic 4

ALVIN: WHY DID YOU SAY THAT?

CHIP: SAY WHAT?

Pic 5

BRIAN: NOW I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT.

ALVIN: YEAH, THANKS.

Pic 6

CHIP: FOR WHAT?

BRIAN: FOR SAYING IT.

PAGE EIGHT

Pic 1

CHIP: SAYING WHAT?

ALVIN: OH JUST ENJOY THE SHADE.

Pic 2

BRIAN is looking up and tapping the other two on the shoulders.

BRIAN: UH, GUYS

ALVIN: WHAT?

BRIAN: I DON’T THINK THIS IS A CLOUD.

Pic 3

All three looking up

AAAAGGGGGGHHHHH

Pic 4

The three take off in three different directions.

[no dialogue]

Pic 5

Take the entire tier. A massive pallet of boxes has landed on the ground kicking up a small dust storm.

PAGE NINE

Pic 1

Take the top tier to get a better look at it now that the dust has settled and we see that it’s huge. They approach it slowly, like it’s the monolith from 2001.

Pic 2

Take the second tier. They’re staring at one corner of the pallet which has boxes labelled “water”.

ALVIN: IT LOOKS REAL

BRIAN: IT FEELS REAL

CHIP: DOES THAT SAY WHAT I THINK IT SAYS?

Pic 3

With the long blades of their pocket knives held in a stabbing motion, the three simultaneously attack the box labelled ‘water’.

Pic 4

Predictably, water gushes out at them.

PAGE TEN

Pic 1

The stabbed containers now bled dry, water leaks from the large holes left in the box. The knives have been scattered and the three are lying in a shallow puddle created by the water. Despite not having really drank any of it, they feel better.

ALVIN: OKAY LET’S THINK THIS THROUGH.

Pic 2

The three are now drinking from large bottles leaning against one side of the pallet which is creating shade. They seem more relaxed. In the foreground is the puddle, now smaller, from the previous panel. Two vultures have landed and are lapping up water.

BRIAN: THAT IS SO UNCOOL.

Pic 3

Closeup on the guys leaning against the pallet in a row. A note is attached to the far end, away from where they were stabbing earlier.

CHIP: IF I WASN’T SO TIRED I’D CHASE THEM OFF.

BRIAN: UM, WHY IS WATER BEING AIRLIFTED TO THE MIDDLE OF THE DESERT?

Pic 4

One of them notices the note.

ALVIN: I SAID BEFORE, IT’S NOT A DESERT.

CHIP: HEY. A NOTE.

Pic 5

The note written in block handwriting and signed with a flourish.

Sorry it took four years for the airlift. We had some budget cuts. Will be in touch soon. Hope all is well. Joe. P.S. Got promoted. You can call me Sir now. Just kidding. Captain will do.

PAGE ELEVEN

Pic 1

Take the top two thirds of the page for this panel. A single story log cabin on stilts just a few feet off the ground crouched atop a small rocky promontory. A few trees are scattered around, the start of the forest that stretches in the other direction. Stairs have been cut into the rock leading up to the cabin. Next to the stairs is a sign reading “Backcountry Ranger Station.”

The three are in the foreground. One is holding the note and reading it, one is looking over his shoulder reading the note, the other is looking behind them at the building.

ALVIN: DID THEY GET TURNED AROUND, TOO?

BRIAN: YEAH I DON’T SEE ANYTHING.

CHIP: HAS THIS BEEN HERE ALL ALONG?

Pic 2

Take the bottom tier for the three of them making their way to the cabin.

ALVIN: MAYBE WE SHOULD SAY HI.

BRIAN: MAYBE WE SHOULD APOLOGIZE FOR DRINKING HIS WATER.

CHIP: MAYBE HE KNOWS WHERE WE ARE.

PAGE TWELVE

Pic 1

Peering into the open door, one head on top of the other.

ALVIN: HELLO? MR. RANGER?

CHIP: THE NOTE SAID IT’S BEEN FOUR YEARS SINCE THEY SENT WATER.

Pic 2

Inside the cabin

BRIAN: SO WHAT, HE TURNED TO DUST?

ALVIN: MAYBE

CHIP: THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS

Pic 3

BRIAN: MAYBE HE’S FIXING THE WIRES

ALVIN: WHAT WIRES?

Pic 4

Standing just outside the door, BRIAN points to wires leading from the roof of the cabin into the woods.

BRIAN: THOSE WIRES

Pic 5

Having loaded their packs with food from the pallet, they set off into the woods following the wires.

ALVIN: WE’VE WALKED THIS FAR...

Pic 6

A Bear in a tattered ranger outfit.

[no dialogue]

PAGE THIRTEEN

Pic 1

ALVIN: IT’S THE RANGER

BRIAN: RANGER, WE HAVE A NOTE FROM YOUR BOSS JOE.

Pic 2

The bears roars

Pic 3

CHIP: I DON’T THINK THAT’S THE RANGER.

Pic 4

They jump, scared for their lives and about to run as soon as their feet hit the ground.

AAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH

Pic 5

The three of them running, the bear somewhere behind them off frame.

ALVIN: IS HE THE TREE CLIMBING KIND OF BEAR?

CHIP: HE LOOKS TOO HEAVY FOR THAT.

Pic 6

The bear on all fours running after them.

ALVIN (FROM OFF): SO HE KNOCKS THEM DOWN?

BRIAN (FROM OFF): MAYBE HE JUST SHAKES PEOPLE OUT OF TREES?

PAGE FOURTEEN

Pic 1

The three run up the side of a tree in single file

CHIP: WHO CARES

Pic 2

Bear standing at the base of the tree. Gets conked on the head by something not easily identifiable.

BRIAN (FROM OFF): HEY BEAR, TAKE THIS

Pic 3

The three are sitting on a tree limb

ALVIN and CHIP: GOOD SHOT!

Pic 4

The bear is pissed off.

ROAR

Pic 5

The other two are pissed off now.

ALVIN and CHIP: BAD SHOT!

Pic 6

The bear picks up the small package thrown at him and rips it open.

ALVIN (FROM OFF): WHAT WAS THAT?

BRIAN (FROM OFF): FREEZE DRIED SALMON.

PAGE FIFTEEN

Pic 1

They’re climbing down the tree.

BRIAN: I’VE DECIDED TO NAME THE BEAR BEAUREGARD.

ALVIN: YOU’RE NOT NAMING THE BEAR THAT

Pic 2

Two have reached the ground, the third is about to jump the last few feet.

BRIAN: I KEPT HIM FROM EATING US SO I GET TO NAME HIM

FROM OFF: EARL

Pic 3

The three of them and the bear in a single shot. No one moves.

[no dialogue]

Pic 4

Same image as before.

BEAR: EARL

Pic 5

ALVIN: HIS NAME’S EARL

BRIAN: EARL’S A GOOD NAME

CHIP: GOOD EARL

Pic 6

BEAR: EARL

BRIAN: NOT MUCH VOCABULARY ON THIS BEAR

PAGE SIXTEEN

Pic 1

The other two and the bear look at him.

[no dialogue]

Pic 2

Same image as previous panel.

BRIAN: FINE. THEN I’M CALLING THE VULTURE BEAUREGARD.

Pic 3

The telegraph machine in the corner is going wild.

ALVIN (FROM OFF): WHAT’S IT SAYING

BRIAN (FROM OFF): I DON’T KNOW, IT’S TOO FAST.

CHIP (FROM OFF): TRY THIS

Pic 4

A closeup of a hand tapping on the telegraph. Next to it display the Morse Code langauge for O and K.

ALVIN (FROM OFF): IT STOPPED.

Pic 5

Sleeping bags laid out on the floor. The bear is sleeping rug-like in the front of the fireplace.

CHIP: BUT WHAT WAS IT SAYING?

ALVIN: WE’LL DEAL WITH IT IN THE MORNING.

Pic 6

Skeleton in ranger outfit in upper branches of a tall tree. Still wearing outfit. Vulture lands on branch. Moon rising over the desert floor. Looks very pretty. And a little creepy.

Fiction Friday: An Untitled Comics Script

Last week Fiction Friday featured a radio script and today, the opening five pages of a comics script of an untitled project which was set in British controlled Egypt in 1884. In which we meet three of the protagonists of the book (well, sort of).

UNTITLED SCRIPT

Page 1

A splash page. There are many photographs and sketches of el-Armarna from this period. The important thing to remember is the sense of abandonment. The eerie atmosphere of a place where except for tomb robbers, people generally gave it a little distance. The hills are further from the Nile than much of the area, creating a fairly low and wide plain for the city and the villagers that sprung up since. Late afternoon, so there is both the oppressive brightness and long, deep shadows, which should convey a sense of dread. This is an unholy place, a well-preserved city that remains in such condition because it was given such a wide berth for so long. It should feel like such.

CAPTION: The ruined city of EL-AMARNA

CAPTION: Home of the heretic Pharaoh Akhenaten. It was here that one man abandoned the centuries old religion of his ancestors to instead worship a single god. Who loved his wife so much that the imagery of Nerfertiti is unique amongst the wives of all the Pharaohs. Who was so hated and feared that his very name was erased from the tombs and walls of the city after his death.

Page 2

The page is divided into three panels. Think widescreen. The panels may be literally wide but we need to convey a sense of the hugeness of the story. These shouldn’t be crowded images, but should have a sense of the vastness of scale and the emptiness of the desert that is just over the hill from the populated strip of land around the Nile.

First Panel:

Three mummies. Yes, the classic image of the undead. Go with the old school horror look from those old 20s movies. Almost comic in the sense that they’re no longer terrifying, but they can barely be made out trudging their way towards the ruins in what passes for rage, or at least an almost instinctual reaction similar to that emotion.

Second Panel:

It’s not just three. There’s many of them. We pull back from those three and convey the sheer number of them which are coming over the hill, while simultaneously showing them dwarfed by the landscape.

Third Panel:

From a perspective just above the sandy floor, an image of a mummy’s foot about to trigger a lengthy trip wire placed just above the surface between two rocks.

Page 3

First Panel:

The top two thirds of the page show that the trip wire wasn’t a simple explosive, but now with a wide screen shot of the hillside, a series of seven explosive caches are triggered and erupting.

Second Panel:

A figure on horseback approaches the area where the explosions are taking place at full gallop. The perspective is from the side and rear so we can see the hillside in the distance, now partially obscured by the dust and sand raised in the ruckus.

Dressed head to tow in flowing robes. Her gender can’t be noted from the outfit. She’s armed to the teeth. You probably won’t want to make all this obvious in this particular panel but for reference she’s carrying a saif, two revolvers, one side by side action express rifle.

Page 4

First Panel:

Shifting focus to now behind the mummies. We’re looking through the hole that’s been opened up in the chest of one through our unknown rider, who we see is holding a rifle. The mummie heart has been blown to bits. The heart was one of the organs left in the mummies since that was the center of the body. The brain was pulled out because the ancient Egyptians thought smarts came from the heart, so that’s where it would make sense to shoot them if that would even do anything.

Second Panel:

From similar perspective as the second panel of the last page we see her stuff her rifle into the holster built into the saddle having no time to reload, and reach for the saif in the holster built into the opposite side of the saddle.

Third Panel:

She jumps from the horse with a colt revolver in one hand and a saif in the other, mid-air about to slash at one creature nearby.

Page 5

First Panel:

The top two thirds of the page. Two well dressed gentlemen are descending the stairs from their rooms on the third floor to the first floor of Shepheard’s Hotel for high tea on the terrace. This is one of the world’s most elegant hotels and this is Victorian opulence at its best. The men are the same age but they cut very different figures. The physically smaller of the two is Sir Jonathan Dent, CB Order of the Bath. Every bit the aristocrat and former military man he has the bearing of a man who is impeccably dressed and feels that wherever he is, he belongs there. He is also profoundly uneasy, which he rarely shows, but he would be a horrible poker player and here his expression does not match his bearing.

The other man, slightly taller and broader, is Abel Pirrip, who served with Dent in Africa and has joined him on this expedition. He is a bit more uncomfortable in formal wear and moving amongst the sorts of people he meets at a place like Shepheard’s. This is not the world he was born into.

DENT: I’m quite certain it didn’t happen in that manner.

PIRRIP: Oh no. I have it on good authority, sir.

DENT: The Howard Easton expedition, you say?

Second Panel:

The bottom third of the page is cut into two panels.

Dent does have a tendency at times to be pompous, a skill he learned at a young age and occasionally find himself doing so with Pirrip though he makes an effort not to. He owes Pirrip too much from their years at war to treat the man like that. He thinks of Pirrip as an equal, Dent is just naturally something of a jackass. Pirrip is also one of the only people in the world who can call out Dent. And so while Dent knows the answer, he tries to be careful about how he speaks.

DENT: Everyone died in that expedition.

Third Panel:

Pirrip is uneasy at this news.

PIRRIP: What do you mean everyone died?